Posted on September 08 2022




ANY AND ALL BDSM scenes should always require consent from all parties. Impact play can cause physical harm, especially for inexperienced or careless players. Players can simply discuss wants, needs, and limits, and then give consent, or the scene/power exchange dynamics can include an extensive negotiated BDSM contract.

You should discuss the Dominant’s/Top’s experience, the toys and tools used, areas of impact, and how hard you want to go. Gently? Till the butt’s just a bit red? Or are you both okay with bruising? Marks?


Always negotiate a safeword–a word that signals if the submissive/bottom needs to slow down, pause or stop. Safewords should be easy to remember and say, especially during subspace. An easy and standard safeword system is the red-yellow-green light series to understand your partner’s levels of comfort. Green means continue, yellow means slow down and use caution, and red means stop.


🖤 Be sure to communicate honestly. 

🖤 Check in often with your partner and see if they want less heat (move the candle further away, this way the wax has more time to cool before contact) or more (move the candle closer).

🖤 Know that your partner's pain level may be different from yours or previous partners. 

🖤 Always be aware of the impact results of the toys and implements you use.

🖤 It is often said that no one should ever be allowed to use a toy or implement on another person unless they’ve experienced the impact themselves.

🖤 Remember … skin that’s marked or redden will be much more sensitive to pain.

🖤 USE CAUTION when overlapping hits/strokes with the more intense toys, especially intense impacts such as cane or whips. Those marks may look sexy, but every over-lapped stroke or intersection will be hurt twice.

🖤 You can start with underwear or clothing to lighten the hits.


🖤 Be familiar with your toys & implements. Keep them clean and in good condition. Ragged ends or sharp edges can cause unexpected damage to the skin.

🖤 You can use a pillow for target practice, you’ll see an imprint where your blows land. This will help you learn to control your strikes.

🖤 If you’re using a toy with a loop or wrist strap at the end of it - please use it. This prevents the implement from slipping from your hand and possibly flying across the room.


Of course, a plump derriere is a perfect target. It’s fleshy, not too sensitive, and reddens so nicely.

Other areas to consider are the upper arms and the back of the shoulders and the back of the thighs and calves. But use caution if you’re using extreme impact toys such as canes. 

DO NOT hit these areas – You absolutely want to avoid hitting the back of the knees, elbows, armpits, the front of the neck, the wrists, and the Achilles tendon.

Practice until you’re familiar with your implements, but you still must stay focused and use care. If you don’t know your tools or are unpracticed, you can easily miss your mark, which can prove to be dangerous. Striking too high above the derriere {butt} can break the tailbone or damage the kidneys. Striking too far to the side can cause a flogger or whip to wrap around the body and hit the stomach or genitals, causing unwanted pain or damage.


Consider the size of your space and plan your positions for play. Is there enough room to swing the implement?

The sub/bottom may need something to lean on or furniture to support them so they can relax into the scene. Perhaps bend them over a bed, sofa arm, table, or countertop. This is best for longer scenes or subs that tend to go weak in the knees.

🖤  Over-the-knee works well for paddles, smaller floggers, or hand spanking. Lying in your partner's lap can be fun for light impact play on the breast and genital area.

🖤 Lying down is the most comfortable and great for new players. It’s also best for bound and blindfolded recipients. Face down for the ass and back, or face up for softer strikes on the breast and genital area. Think about the bed, a sofa, tables, and ottomans.

🖤There’s nothing like seeing you submissive bound to a St Andrews Cross if one is available.

🖤 Face Down. Ass Up.…Sexy as hell. Use pillows to support the body. Ensure the ankles and wrists are comfortable and are not supporting body weight for too long.

🖤 Bondage … make it even kinkier by using bondage, shibari, spreader bars, scarves, or cuffs.


All right. You’re ready and eager to start. But please... proceed slowly. Warm up your partner both in body and spirit with softer spanks or strokes before increasing tempo and intensity. You can also switch to more intense toys as you go.

You can and should continually increase the intensity or duration of play, but you cannot remove a blow that is too intense for your partner to handle. Continuously check on your partner and build trust. The absolute worst thing would be to scare your partner or cut their skin before you’ve built trust and even begun to enjoy yourselves.

The duration of your play session will depend on the endurance of both of you. If you vary the strength and location of the impacts, you may be able to extend the session. The sub will be able to endure more, and you won’t get tired too quickly.

A good way to build trust and endurance is to have an agreed number of hits. You can count these or have your partner count them. The number could be negotiated or you may decide if you’re giving out punishment. {In this case, make your partner count them out loud.}

Remember some tools are more intense and your partner may not tolerate as many strikes, and playtime may need to be shorter.

A session can be ended by slowing and softening the impacts, stopping after a climax, or if the submissive uses a safe word or uses the color red.



After any scene, there should be an element of aftercare. Both partners should enjoy cuddling, soft touches, and words of praise & affirmation. Dominants may need aftercare as well as the submissive. Muscles can be tired and sore from spanking or welding a flogger or cane.

Impact play is always an intense experience and will impact your partner’s state of mind. Watch for sub drop, as well as Dom drop. 

Check your partner’s body for redness, bruising or broken skin. You may need to apply ice packs, creams, lotions, or ointments

Arnica cream or arnica gel can be used to decrease swelling, bleeding, bruising, and reduce pain. 

Perhaps apply muscle cream for the Dominant.

Share hydration and a small snack or chocolate. And perhaps cuddle in a soft blanket for a few minutes. Littles like to have their softies or stuffies :D

Talk about what you enjoyed, or what you might want to change during your next play session.

Thanks for reading!

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