WHAT IS BDSM?

My Secret Heart

Posted on November 27 2019

WHAT IS BDSM?
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There is no single correct answer to this question.

Speaking literally, BDSM is an acronym for Bondage and Discipline, Domination and Submission, Sadism and Masochism. However, BDSM encompasses much more than its acronym can convey. BDSM is an erotic preference. BDSM is an adventure. BDSM is a lifestyle.

BONDAGE AND DISCIPLINE

Bondage is the use of restraints (such as handcuffs, spreader bars, breath restrictions, and rope) to enhance sexual pleasure. Discipline is the use of rules, or punishment, to control or reward behavior in a sexual context. Both of these facets can be used as foreplay or as a sexual activity of its own. It is not uncommon for Bondage and Discipline to be about more than physical sensations. In fact, many participants claim it’s a gateway to self-discovery.

Disciplinary rules are not always made with obeying in mind. Dominants may deliberately create rules that simply cannot be obeyed. Submissives may also deliberately break the rules their Dominant have set. Punishment, within this kink, is not always a punishment, it can often be considered ‘funishment’.

DOMINATION AND SUBMISSION
Control is the core of BDSM. “Power Play” is the act of taking complementary roles that set two or more participants at different levels of power. Common examples are Dominants & submissives, Master/Mistress &, servants/slaves, and Daddy/Mommy and littles.

Dominant/submissive relationships tend to be the most emotional form of BDSM, and relationships tend to be long term. They are usually the most formal and ritualistic dynamics of Power Play, They do not, however, necessarily need to be in person. Often, Dominant and submissive relationships are conducted over long distances via online or Skype sessions, text messages, phone calls, emails, or even handwritten letters. The only requirement is one player having power over the other. Encounters can range from sensual and playful to ritualistic and high-protocol.

It is important to note that both the Dominants and the submissives have a say in the terms of each session, or what the relationship will look like and what it will entail. Control may be key, but consent is equally, if not even more important.

SADISM AND MASOCHISM
Sadism is the enjoyment of giving pain as a part of sexual pleasure, while masochism is the counterpoint of enjoying the receiving of the pain. When thinking of BDSM, whips and chains, pain and red welts often come to mind. Spanking, whipping and flogging, hot wax play, cock and ball torture, and elements of real tortures are all a part of S&M. However, it does not have to be all pain or torture. S&M in its gentlest, most sensual forms can be as easy as pulling your submissive’s hair or spanking their ass during sex. In the context of a BDSM relationship, both parties negotiate the severity of pain. Again, consent is negotiated and required within the realm of BDSM.

SAFE WORDS

It’s a Dominant’s part to push a submissive to their limits. This may be done as a healing process, as a sensual tease, or to take a masochist to the edge of intense pain/pleasure.

Since limits are pushed, a chosen word is chosen by the submissive, and if things become too intense, the submissive speaks the safe word, and all play stops immediately. Sometimes a red light/green light system is used. The Dominant ask the sub “what color are you?” Green means all is well and we continue. Yellow means we need to slow down. The Dominant should pay special attention and watch the sub closely. Red means stop. Immediately. This is why trust is crucial between the Dominant and the sub.

Though a Dominant is controlling the ‘scene’, the submissive has the ultimate power. All play must stop when a sub uses a safe word.

BDSM is what you decide it is.

Remember, there are no written rules, musts, or don’ts. The only guideline is that is should be performed by responsible, consenting partners, of their own volition, and in a safe way.

Safe, sane, and consensual. Always. 

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